Unsure U.
+Posted: 08 August, 2025
+Last Edited: 08 August, 2025
+
+ The little things, it's the little things that count.
+Or so I'm told.
++ All around me, all my friends are super excited for university, or + college, or appreticeship, or--post-secondary in general. They're + excited about meeting new [like-minded] people, clubs, increased + autonomy, the future promises of post-secondary education, and of + course, parties (within reason). They look to the hopeful side of + things. +
++ Now, I have this set of coasters which I got a year or so ago at a local + market. They're meant to keep me in a more positive headspace, but half + the time they're covered up by drinks... Anyway, one of them advises me + to "focus on the good". +
++ And boy, do I try hard to do that. But without a job, I'm left to my + hyperfixation and burnout routine. If I'm lucky, I just start going a + bit stir-crazy from sitting in my room, doing things that I consider + productive, with only the occasional break for the loo and another cup + of bean juice. Then, it's back to work, dawn until dinner, then maybe + I'll play a game briefly, but not until working some more. +
++ There are of course plenty of things that I'd like to blame for why I'm + like this, but that's not the purpose of this post, nor more than + speculation. +
++ Anyway, I'm currently writing this in a cheerful little café after an + appointment so that I take a break to process, and perhaps understand, + some emotions, while taking in this little thing. So, back to + university, since that's my academic trajectory. +
+I'm terrified.
++ I've struggled a lot to plan and get course selections which will allow + me to fulfill my degree, only to fail rather badly. Seriously, I will + probably do poorly in philosophy, and it doesn't help me with just about + any of my requirements. On top of that, I'm worried about the teachers + that I'll get. It was bad enough in grade 5, and I'd had a few years to + anticipate that teacher. In university, I have no knowledge going into + first year. The best resource I have is something like RateMyProf which + honestly kinda sucks and probably makes things worse unless there's a + resoundingly poor overall rating. +
++ That's not to say that all of my course selections are bad; I still have + the ones within the interest of my degree and some in my hobbies, that + also contribute directly to the degree. One friend and I were also able + to get some courses together since I had to take them, and they wanted + to. This may sound silly given the struggles with course availabilities, + but I promise these decisions were made following a lot of logical + consideration of both of our degrees' completion. +
++ Another concern is the fact that I know so little, and I get my + orientation the day before I need to use it... that's not a lot of time + to figure out if you're missing something. That then contributes to my + concerns about being able to move around campus fast enough to not miss + classes, on top of the fatigue that I'll have from waking up at 5h30. +
++ Finally, because otherwise I could keep going on, are my concerns + regarding the ever-shoved-down-our-gullets AIs. I write oddly. This + blog, my poetry, and all of my past essays and analyses. My teachers can + attest, especially my grade 9 & 12 English teacher who had to consult + two other teachers and myself to fully understand + Building Up, a poem I wrote with the rust programming language for symbology. +
++ The concerns about having to prove that I don't use AI were bad enough + in High School. Universities have far more strict policies, which likely + utilize a guilty until proven innocent model. +
++ At the end of the day, I'm trying to take in the little things and not + worry too much. +
+#AD