diff --git a/src/blog/posts/0_divergent_pathways.html b/src/blog/posts/0_divergent_pathways/0_divergent_pathways.html similarity index 100% rename from src/blog/posts/0_divergent_pathways.html rename to src/blog/posts/0_divergent_pathways/0_divergent_pathways.html diff --git a/src/blog/posts/1_unsure_u.html b/src/blog/posts/1_unsure_u/1_unsure_u.html similarity index 100% rename from src/blog/posts/1_unsure_u.html rename to src/blog/posts/1_unsure_u/1_unsure_u.html diff --git a/src/blog/posts/2_buyers_anxiety.html b/src/blog/posts/2_buyers_anxiety/2_buyers_anxiety.html similarity index 100% rename from src/blog/posts/2_buyers_anxiety.html rename to src/blog/posts/2_buyers_anxiety/2_buyers_anxiety.html diff --git a/src/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters/3_closing_chapters.html b/src/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters/3_closing_chapters.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bef806f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters/3_closing_chapters.html @@ -0,0 +1,142 @@ + + + + + Closing Chapters | Cutieguwu + + + + +
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+

Closing Chapters

+

Posted: 18 December, 2025

+

Last Edited: 18 December, 2025

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+

+ I'm not sure why I'm suddenly writing another blog post. Particularly when I + still have an exam to do, for which I need to read two chapters of the + textbook. +

+

+ Perhaps it's because I've just come out of a counselling session, and once + again, find something I need to talk about after it's finished. +

+

+ Perhaps it's because I feel a need to prove to myself that I'm still a good + writer, even if I barely pass my Creative Writing course... +

+

+ Maybe it's because I'm just generally tired but I've been awake long enough + that I've progressed into my first period of creative brain waves. Yes, + apparently that's a thing. +

+

+ Anyway, this post's idea stems from the sentiments I've been experiencing + since graduating high school. +

+

+ I feel like I keep wanting to run back to my childhood, as awful as it was + in many respects. It's not just my overwhelming fear of death, and general + existential dread, it's my nostalgia. +

+

+ Yesterday, I went to see my old high school band and jazz band perform their + annual Holiday Concert. It was great getting to see my old buddies, have a + couple laughs while berating the Audio-Visual equipment team for their awful + cable management in the few months that I've been gone now. +

+

+ But, as I listened to them play the biggest set list the band has done since + the pandemic, I found myself melancholy. I wanted to be back with them, + playing in the pink lighting, learning solos that I couldn't as a result of + COVID, setting up equipment, taping cables down to comply with safety + policies, digging into the hows and whys of DMX-512, managing my old tech + team, shooting the shit. +

+

I can't really do that now.

+

+ Picking up the hobbies again, joining a music group on Campus, finding an + A/V equipment team to join... it just wouldn't be the same. +

+

+ I have more demanding courses to come, and I just don't have the time + anymore. I, like many others, already treat the Carleton Cybersecurity Club + as an extra course. +

+

The workshops; our lectures.

+

The weekly challenges; our quizzes and textbook readings.

+

The competitions; our midterms.

+

+ After my showing in the past semester alone, it's likely that I'll take on + running a couple workshops in the future. +

+

+ I can keep going back to the band's events, and catch up with old profs + during reading week, but for how long? +

+

+ How long until everyone has moved on? How long until all the staff rotate, + and nothing but the U-shape of the building remains? +

+

+ Even if I step back and question why, why am I so attached to these + memories, I don't know. +

+

+ I know a lot of people who, like myself, left this school having experienced + the absolute worst periods of their life. +

+

They never went back. Not for anything.

+

+ But I'm practically desperate to return, to jump back in time to grade 9 and + fuck everything up again, run through depression, experience the worst days + of my dysphoria, and tolerate every bitch and asshole who decided to spend + their time splinkling on a bit more shit all the while. +

+

+ I've run out of things to say at this point. I wish this was better + structured than just a brain dump, but I'm too tired and emotional to work + on it further. +

+

+ So, with the loss of my non-existent PG-13 rating, I shall conclude this + post, and begin [hopefully] immediately on another post that will outline + what I hope to do over the winter break, and what posts I hope to have lined + up. +

+

+ So, to my only reader, stay tuned! I want to get out of the doom and gloom + real soon. +

+
+

+ OKAY, so, as per usual, I know a guy, FOR EVERYTHING. He's directed me + towards contacting another guy on campus who works with A/V stuff. So, maybe + I can find a way to keep that chapter open, despite everything else I have + going on these days. It also seems that there might be a way to take an + elective course that looks into A/V equipment. I will have to hunt around + and see if I can fit that into my program +

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+ +

#AD

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+ + + + diff --git a/src/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans/4_pointless_plans.html b/src/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans/4_pointless_plans.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..85d3613 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans/4_pointless_plans.html @@ -0,0 +1,149 @@ + + + + + Pointless Plans | Cutieguwu + + + + +
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+

Pointless Plans

+

Posted: 18 December, 2025

+

Last Edited: 18 December, 2025

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+ So... remember my first post where I said that "a meaningless 'Welcome to my + Blog' filled with my hopes and aspirations that inevitably would never come + to light was something I knew I didn't want." Well... +

+

+ I've been stuck in a doom and gloom phase here, and with me hopefully + concluding my counselling soon, I definitely don't want to dwell in it. +

+

+ As a result, I'm making a little list of things that I'd love to write + about, and that you can hopefully expect to read about sometime soon! +

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    +
  • +

    CyberSci

    +
      +
    • + I had the fortune to participate at the Regional level, + representing Carleton University. (Spoiler: We won, barely) +
      • +
    • + This will probably have a follow up once Nationals happens in + the summer. +
      • +
    +
    • +
  • +

    Creative Writing Work

    +
      +
    • + I've written some good things and some really bad things for the + Creative Writing course this term. Obviously, I'll only publish + works that I believe are well polished. +
      • +
    +
    • +
  • +

    Poetry

    +
      +
    • + I want to get back to writing poetry, but for now I have some + things that are still unpublished. +
      • +
    • + They're nothing like Building Up, so if you can't read [bad] + Rust, don't worry. They're also far less whacky than Falling + Down. +
      • +
    • + Falling Down & Building Up +
      • +
    +
    • +
+

+ Also, I've come to realise that I have a thing for memoirs. I never actually + realised it because I usually read book series, but I now have four memoirs + in my library. +

+
    +
  1. + Fatty Legs by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton +
    2. +
  2. its sequel, A Stranger At Home
    3. +
  3. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
    4. +
  4. Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote
    5. +
+

+ So, after a creative non-fiction flash writing assignment just didn't work + out well, even after reworking it heavily for the exam, I decided that I + should actually take it in the direction of a full memoir, rather than the + poetic form that it currently has. +

+

+ The problem is that I mean, a full memoir. And the problem with + that is that memory is a complex thing. Many important and relevant things + for a memoir are episodic, iconic, flashbulb memories, which can be + difficult to just retrieve on the spot. (Yes, I referenced my textbook, no I + am not a credible source for interpreting this information.) +

+

+ A lot of the time, my writing, particularly my poetry, comes from what can + best be described as state-dependent memory. If I'm lucky, some random + stimulus or set of stimuli will trigger a recollection of these memories, + and give me an image from which to write. The problem is that this also + means I cannot write sequentially. +

+

+ And just to make things even more difficult, memory is unreliable and easily + influenced. So I need to review and consider how much I trust my own + recollection of events, and work to mitigate my biases whenever possible by + asking someone else to recount the event and compare details. +

+

+ So, in the background, I'm going to start working on that. Almost like + forgetting to write in a diary for a week, then trying to catch up while you + still remember. +

+

+ Hopefully this will have the added benefit of holding back some of the + future doom and gloom from the blog. +

+

+ And finally, I'm going to try to finish up my blog generator, + cutinews. It's + about time I got back and actually finished a programming project. Chances + are that I'll be live on Twitch (yes, eww, ik) working on the code. +

+
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+ +
+
+ +

#AD

+
+ + + + diff --git a/src/feed/rss.xml b/src/feed/rss.xml index 12a68b6..516b0e5 100644 --- a/src/feed/rss.xml +++ b/src/feed/rss.xml @@ -9,6 +9,26 @@ en-ca Technology/IT/Life/Mental Health/Health + + Pointless Plans + 18 December, 2025 + https://www.cutieguwu.ca/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans.html + Winter Break plans + Life + Mental Health + Health + + + Closing Chapters + 18 December, 2025 + https://www.cutieguwu.ca/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters.html + + Things go, and others come in. Sometimes, we don't want to move forward, but we must. + + Life + Mental Health + Health + Buyer's Anxiety 11 September, 2025