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Move path for blog posts.

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<title>Divergent Pathways | Cutieguwu</title>
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<h4 class="location_header">You are here:</h4>
<h5 class="location_page">Blog - Divergent Pathways</h5>
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<h1 class="title">Divergent Pathways</h1>
<p class="date">Posted: 29 July, 2025</p>
<p class="date">Last Edited: 29 July, 2025</p>
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<p>I can't say that this is how I wanted to start my blog.</p>
<p>
Although, in all honesty, I didn't really have an idea for how I wanted
it to start. That's not to say I didn't know what I *didn't* want. A
meaningless 'Welcome to my Blog' filled with my hopes and aspirations
that inevitably would never come to light was something I knew I didn't
want. I figured it more likely for me to have a semi-respectful rant
about whatever's causing me to 'crash out' on that particular day. That
would certainly be in character for me.
</p>
<p>
But no. Instead, I'm starting my blog on one of the last things I ever
expected to write about.
</p>
<p>Love.</p>
<p>Or rather, the passing of it due to life.</p>
<p>
I've been in two relationships now. Both ended mutually, although what I
consider mutual may not be everyone else's. We came to see the same side
of things, and we understood that we couldn't sustain our lives
together. We're all still friends at the end.
</p>
<p>
Me and my ex-boyfriend were struggling a lot with being able to see each
other. It's not like this relationship was geographically long distance;
we went to the same school. The distance came more from our schedules
and pathways. I have always been a relatively heavy academic. My parents
and teachers certainly made sure of that, and ultimately helped lead me
down a path of being the teacher's pet. Maybe I'll talk about my
experiences and struggles related to that another time, but the short of
it is that I am a high-acheiving workaholic as a result. My ex-boyfriend
on the other hand, didn't have that kind of an experience, and
ultimately was led down the college-level course stream in high school.
</p>
<p>
Now, as I began to struggle in my fourth year, particularly with my
mathematics continuing their downwards trend, I decided that the life of
a software engineer wasn't for me. I turned around, almost on a dime,
and set myself towards a career in Psychology. Now, on the surface, this
may look like it would help with our scheduling issues, but no. While I
was studying at school, and desperately trying to keep up my grades, my
boyfriend would be doing a co-op elsewhere. Even when that ended at the
end of the term, the problem remained. I was too much of a workaholic.
</p>
<p>
Ultimately, the break-up that I've just had has left me intent on not
spiralling downward. My first was rough on me, and I was not in a good
place for about a week. This time, we both kind of saw this coming.
Perhaps that makes it easier, but it still sucks for both of us. And,
why squander the motivation I have to better my self care, my habits,
and thus myself? I'm about to go into my first year of university.
Normally, I'm either scared of my inevitable death, or some past regret
of my life that chooses to grip me. But now, I'm also anxious for the
life ahead.
</p>
<p>
So what does this all mean in terms of dating for me? Well, it leaves me
considering the idea that some people are meant to walk through life
alone. I'm at a point in my life where dating is probably not a great
idea for me. I struggle enough with burnout spells that adding
heartbreak on top would likely kill my education.
</p>
<p>
On top of that are my concerns with online dating. Aside from data
privacy, breaches, and otherwise disgusting people who can't leave these
projects to be a good part of the internet, are the risks with being
trans. There are far too many stories, even if most of them are probably
from the US, of people 'trying it out' with a trans person. Ignoring how
slimy and disgusting you have to be to even do that without considering
the effects of those actions, the point of dating is for love (and to
meet societal expectations while seeking a dual income for the
household, among other things).
</p>
<p>
To make it extra clear, love != sex. The point at the end of it isn't so
you can run home and shag every night--this isn't some 1960s Bond film.
</p>
<p>
If you want to have kids, some trans people who are on HRT, may still be
able to if they've gone to the really awkward and expensive effort of
cryopreservation.
</p>
<p>
Anyway, being someone who was a 'test run' is crushing. I certainly
don't want to run that risk, and other people are in the same boat.
</p>
<p>Given all this, I'll probably tough it out on my own for a while.</p>
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<div class="spacer_container"><p>#AD</p></div>
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