-
-
-
I can't say that this is how I wanted to start my blog.
-
- Although, in all honesty, I didn't really have an idea for how I wanted
- it to start. That's not to say I didn't know what I *didn't* want. A
- meaningless 'Welcome to my Blog' filled with my hopes and aspirations
- that inevitably would never come to light was something I knew I didn't
- want. I figured it more likely for me to have a semi-respectful rant
- about whatever's causing me to 'crash out' on that particular day. That
- would certainly be in character for me.
-
-
- But no. Instead, I'm starting my blog on one of the last things I ever
- expected to write about.
-
-
Love.
-
Or rather, the passing of it due to life.
-
- I've been in two relationships now. Both ended mutually, although what I
- consider mutual may not be everyone else's. We came to see the same side
- of things, and we understood that we couldn't sustain our lives
- together. We're all still friends at the end.
-
-
- Me and my ex-boyfriend were struggling a lot with being able to see each
- other. It's not like this relationship was geographically long distance;
- we went to the same school. The distance came more from our schedules
- and pathways. I have always been a relatively heavy academic. My parents
- and teachers certainly made sure of that, and ultimately helped lead me
- down a path of being the teacher's pet. Maybe I'll talk about my
- experiences and struggles related to that another time, but the short of
- it is that I am a high-acheiving workaholic as a result. My ex-boyfriend
- on the other hand, didn't have that kind of an experience, and
- ultimately was led down the college-level course stream in high school.
-
-
- Now, as I began to struggle in my fourth year, particularly with my
- mathematics continuing their downwards trend, I decided that the life of
- a software engineer wasn't for me. I turned around, almost on a dime,
- and set myself towards a career in Psychology. Now, on the surface, this
- may look like it would help with our scheduling issues, but no. While I
- was studying at school, and desperately trying to keep up my grades, my
- boyfriend would be doing a co-op elsewhere. Even when that ended at the
- end of the term, the problem remained. I was too much of a workaholic.
-
-
- Ultimately, the break-up that I've just had has left me intent on not
- spiralling downward. My first was rough on me, and I was not in a good
- place for about a week. This time, we both kind of saw this coming.
- Perhaps that makes it easier, but it still sucks for both of us. And,
- why squander the motivation I have to better my self care, my habits,
- and thus myself? I'm about to go into my first year of university.
- Normally, I'm either scared of my inevitable death, or some past regret
- of my life that chooses to grip me. But now, I'm also anxious for the
- life ahead.
-
-
- So what does this all mean in terms of dating for me? Well, it leaves me
- considering the idea that some people are meant to walk through life
- alone. I'm at a point in my life where dating is probably not a great
- idea for me. I struggle enough with burnout spells that adding
- heartbreak on top would likely kill my education.
-
-
- On top of that are my concerns with online dating. Aside from data
- privacy, breaches, and otherwise disgusting people who can't leave these
- projects to be a good part of the internet, are the risks with being
- trans. There are far too many stories, even if most of them are probably
- from the US, of people 'trying it out' with a trans person. Ignoring how
- slimy and disgusting you have to be to even do that without considering
- the effects of those actions, the point of dating is for love (and to
- meet societal expectations while seeking a dual income for the
- household, among other things).
-
-
- To make it extra clear, love != sex. The point at the end of it isn't so
- you can run home and shag every night--this isn't some 1960s Bond film.
-
-
- If you want to have kids, some trans people who are on HRT, may still be
- able to if they've gone to the really awkward and expensive effort of
- cryopreservation.
-
-
- Anyway, being someone who was a 'test run' is crushing. I certainly
- don't want to run that risk, and other people are in the same boat.
-
-
Given all this, I'll probably tough it out on my own for a while.
-
+
I can't say that this is how I wanted to start my blog.
+
+ Although, in all honesty, I didn't really have an idea for how I wanted it
+ to start. That's not to say I didn't know what I *didn't* want. A
+ meaningless 'Welcome to my Blog' filled with my hopes and aspirations that
+ inevitably would never come to light was something I knew I didn't want. I
+ figured it more likely for me to have a semi-respectful rant about
+ whatever's causing me to 'crash out' on that particular day. That would
+ certainly be in character for me.
+
+
+ But no. Instead, I'm starting my blog on one of the last things I ever
+ expected to write about.
+
+
Love.
+
Or rather, the passing of it due to life.
+
+ I've been in two relationships now. Both ended mutually, although what I
+ consider mutual may not be everyone else's. We came to see the same side of
+ things, and we understood that we couldn't sustain our lives together. We're
+ all still friends at the end.
+
+
+ Me and my ex-boyfriend were struggling a lot with being able to see each
+ other. It's not like this relationship was geographically long distance; we
+ went to the same school. The distance came more from our schedules and
+ pathways. I have always been a relatively heavy academic. My parents and
+ teachers certainly made sure of that, and ultimately helped lead me down a
+ path of being the teacher's pet. Maybe I'll talk about my experiences and
+ struggles related to that another time, but the short of it is that I am a
+ high-acheiving workaholic as a result. My ex-boyfriend on the other hand,
+ didn't have that kind of an experience, and ultimately was led down the
+ college-level course stream in high school.
+
+
+ Now, as I began to struggle in my fourth year, particularly with my
+ mathematics continuing their downwards trend, I decided that the life of a
+ software engineer wasn't for me. I turned around, almost on a dime, and set
+ myself towards a career in Psychology. Now, on the surface, this may look
+ like it would help with our scheduling issues, but no. While I was studying
+ at school, and desperately trying to keep up my grades, my boyfriend would
+ be doing a co-op elsewhere. Even when that ended at the end of the term, the
+ problem remained. I was too much of a workaholic.
+
+
+ Ultimately, the break-up that I've just had has left me intent on not
+ spiralling downward. My first was rough on me, and I was not in a good place
+ for about a week. This time, we both kind of saw this coming. Perhaps that
+ makes it easier, but it still sucks for both of us. And, why squander the
+ motivation I have to better my self care, my habits, and thus myself? I'm
+ about to go into my first year of university. Normally, I'm either scared of
+ my inevitable death, or some past regret of my life that chooses to grip me.
+ But now, I'm also anxious for the life ahead.
+
+
+ So what does this all mean in terms of dating for me? Well, it leaves me
+ considering the idea that some people are meant to walk through life alone.
+ I'm at a point in my life where dating is probably not a great idea for me.
+ I struggle enough with burnout spells that adding heartbreak on top would
+ likely kill my education.
+
+
+ On top of that are my concerns with online dating. Aside from data privacy,
+ breaches, and otherwise disgusting people who can't leave these projects to
+ be a good part of the internet, are the risks with being trans. There are
+ far too many stories, even if most of them are probably from the US, of
+ people 'trying it out' with a trans person. Ignoring how slimy and
+ disgusting you have to be to even do that without considering the effects of
+ those actions, the point of dating is for love (and to meet societal
+ expectations while seeking a dual income for the household, among other
+ things).
+
+
+ To make it extra clear, love != sex. The point at the end of it isn't so you
+ can run home and shag every night--this isn't some 1960s Bond film.
+
+
+ If you want to have kids, some trans people who are on HRT, may still be
+ able to if they've gone to the really awkward and expensive effort of
+ cryopreservation.
+
+
+ Anyway, being someone who was a 'test run' is crushing. I certainly don't
+ want to run that risk, and other people are in the same boat.
+
+
Given all this, I'll probably tough it out on my own for a while.