Add blog post Unsure U.
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src/blog/posts/1_unsure_u.html
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<html lang="en-ca">
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<head>
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<title>Unsure U. | Cutieguwu</title>
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<h4 class="location_header">You are here:</h4>
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<h5 class="location_page">Blog - Unsure U.</h5>
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<h1 class="title">Unsure U.</h1>
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<p class="date">Posted: 08 August, 2025</p>
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<p class="date">Last Edited: 08 August, 2025</p>
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<div class="body">
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<img
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alt="A Coaster which reads 'focus on the good,' placed in front of a window."
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src="/img/blog/posts/1_unsure_u.webp"
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/>
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<p>The little things, it's the little things that count.</p>
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<p>Or so I'm told.</p>
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<p>
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All around me, all my friends are super excited for university, or
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college, or appreticeship, or--post-secondary in general. They're
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excited about meeting new [like-minded] people, clubs, increased
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autonomy, the future promises of post-secondary education, and of
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course, parties (within reason). They look to the hopeful side of
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things.
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</p>
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<p>
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Now, I have this set of coasters which I got a year or so ago at a local
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market. They're meant to keep me in a more positive headspace, but half
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the time they're covered up by drinks... Anyway, one of them advises me
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to "focus on the good".
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</p>
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<p>
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And boy, do I try hard to do that. But without a job, I'm left to my
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hyperfixation and burnout routine. If I'm lucky, I just start going a
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bit stir-crazy from sitting in my room, doing things that I consider
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productive, with only the occasional break for the loo and another cup
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of bean juice. Then, it's back to work, dawn until dinner, then maybe
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I'll play a game briefly, but not until working some more.
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</p>
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<p>
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There are of course plenty of things that I'd like to blame for why I'm
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like this, but that's not the purpose of this post, nor more than
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speculation.
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</p>
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<p>
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Anyway, I'm currently writing this in a cheerful little café after an
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appointment so that I take a break to process, and perhaps understand,
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some emotions, while taking in this little thing. So, back to
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university, since that's my academic trajectory.
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</p>
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<p>I'm terrified.</p>
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<p>
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I've struggled a lot to plan and get course selections which will allow
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me to fulfill my degree, only to fail rather badly. Seriously, I will
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probably do poorly in philosophy, and it doesn't help me with just about
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any of my requirements. On top of that, I'm worried about the teachers
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that I'll get. It was bad enough in grade 5, and I'd had a few years to
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anticipate that teacher. In university, I have no knowledge going into
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first year. The best resource I have is something like RateMyProf which
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honestly kinda sucks and probably makes things worse unless there's a
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resoundingly poor overall rating.
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</p>
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<p>
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That's not to say that all of my course selections are bad; I still have
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the ones within the interest of my degree and some in my hobbies, that
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also contribute directly to the degree. One friend and I were also able
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to get some courses together since I had to take them, and they wanted
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to. This may sound silly given the struggles with course availabilities,
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but I promise these decisions were made following a lot of logical
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consideration of both of our degrees' completion.
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</p>
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<p>
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Another concern is the fact that I know so little, and I get my
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orientation the day before I need to use it... that's not a lot of time
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to figure out if you're missing something. That then contributes to my
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concerns about being able to move around campus fast enough to not miss
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classes, on top of the fatigue that I'll have from waking up at 5h30.
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</p>
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<p>
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Finally, because otherwise I could keep going on, are my concerns
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regarding the ever-shoved-down-our-gullets AIs. I write oddly. This
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blog, my poetry, and all of my past essays and analyses. My teachers can
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attest, especially my grade 9 & 12 English teacher who had to consult
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two other teachers and myself to fully understand
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<a href="https://gitea.cutieguwu.ca/cutieguwu/falling_down_building_up"
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>Building Up</a
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>, a poem I wrote with the rust programming language for symbology.
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</p>
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<p>
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The concerns about having to prove that I don't use AI were bad enough
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in High School. Universities have far more strict policies, which likely
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utilize a guilty until proven innocent model.
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</p>
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<p>
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At the end of the day, I'm trying to take in the little things and not
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worry too much.
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<div class="spacer_container"><p>#AD</p></div>
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