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Add blog post Unsure U.

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<title>Unsure U. | Cutieguwu</title>
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<h4 class="location_header">You are here:</h4>
<h5 class="location_page">Blog - Unsure U.</h5>
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<h1 class="title">Unsure U.</h1>
<p class="date">Posted: 08 August, 2025</p>
<p class="date">Last Edited: 08 August, 2025</p>
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<img
alt="A Coaster which reads 'focus on the good,' placed in front of a window."
src="/img/blog/posts/1_unsure_u.webp"
/>
<p>The little things, it's the little things that count.</p>
<p>Or so I'm told.</p>
<p>
All around me, all my friends are super excited for university, or
college, or appreticeship, or--post-secondary in general. They're
excited about meeting new [like-minded] people, clubs, increased
autonomy, the future promises of post-secondary education, and of
course, parties (within reason). They look to the hopeful side of
things.
</p>
<p>
Now, I have this set of coasters which I got a year or so ago at a local
market. They're meant to keep me in a more positive headspace, but half
the time they're covered up by drinks... Anyway, one of them advises me
to "focus on the good".
</p>
<p>
And boy, do I try hard to do that. But without a job, I'm left to my
hyperfixation and burnout routine. If I'm lucky, I just start going a
bit stir-crazy from sitting in my room, doing things that I consider
productive, with only the occasional break for the loo and another cup
of bean juice. Then, it's back to work, dawn until dinner, then maybe
I'll play a game briefly, but not until working some more.
</p>
<p>
There are of course plenty of things that I'd like to blame for why I'm
like this, but that's not the purpose of this post, nor more than
speculation.
</p>
<p>
Anyway, I'm currently writing this in a cheerful little café after an
appointment so that I take a break to process, and perhaps understand,
some emotions, while taking in this little thing. So, back to
university, since that's my academic trajectory.
</p>
<p>I'm terrified.</p>
<p>
I've struggled a lot to plan and get course selections which will allow
me to fulfill my degree, only to fail rather badly. Seriously, I will
probably do poorly in philosophy, and it doesn't help me with just about
any of my requirements. On top of that, I'm worried about the teachers
that I'll get. It was bad enough in grade 5, and I'd had a few years to
anticipate that teacher. In university, I have no knowledge going into
first year. The best resource I have is something like RateMyProf which
honestly kinda sucks and probably makes things worse unless there's a
resoundingly poor overall rating.
</p>
<p>
That's not to say that all of my course selections are bad; I still have
the ones within the interest of my degree and some in my hobbies, that
also contribute directly to the degree. One friend and I were also able
to get some courses together since I had to take them, and they wanted
to. This may sound silly given the struggles with course availabilities,
but I promise these decisions were made following a lot of logical
consideration of both of our degrees' completion.
</p>
<p>
Another concern is the fact that I know so little, and I get my
orientation the day before I need to use it... that's not a lot of time
to figure out if you're missing something. That then contributes to my
concerns about being able to move around campus fast enough to not miss
classes, on top of the fatigue that I'll have from waking up at 5h30.
</p>
<p>
Finally, because otherwise I could keep going on, are my concerns
regarding the ever-shoved-down-our-gullets AIs. I write oddly. This
blog, my poetry, and all of my past essays and analyses. My teachers can
attest, especially my grade 9 & 12 English teacher who had to consult
two other teachers and myself to fully understand
<a href="https://gitea.cutieguwu.ca/cutieguwu/falling_down_building_up"
>Building Up</a
>, a poem I wrote with the rust programming language for symbology.
</p>
<p>
The concerns about having to prove that I don't use AI were bad enough
in High School. Universities have far more strict policies, which likely
utilize a guilty until proven innocent model.
</p>
<p>
At the end of the day, I'm trying to take in the little things and not
worry too much.
</p>
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