Add blog posts 3 and 4; Update RSS feed.
This commit is contained in:
Cutieguwu
142
src/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters/3_closing_chapters.html
Normal file
142
src/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters/3_closing_chapters.html
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,142 @@
|
||||
<!doctype html>
|
||||
|
||||
<html lang="en-ca">
|
||||
<head>
|
||||
<title>Closing Chapters | Cutieguwu</title>
|
||||
<include src="includes/meta.html" />
|
||||
</head>
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<nav class="pane">
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_header.html" />
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_menu.html" />
|
||||
<div class="location">
|
||||
<header><h4>You are here:</h4></header>
|
||||
<h5 class="page">Blog - Closing Chapters</h5>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_quick_links.html" />
|
||||
</nav>
|
||||
<main class="pane blog">
|
||||
<div class="body">
|
||||
<header>
|
||||
<h1 class="title">Closing Chapters</h1>
|
||||
<p class="date">Posted: 18 December, 2025</p>
|
||||
<p class="date">Last Edited: 18 December, 2025</p>
|
||||
</header>
|
||||
<div class="body">
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I'm not sure why I'm suddenly writing another blog post. Particularly when I
|
||||
still have an exam to do, for which I need to read two chapters of the
|
||||
textbook.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Perhaps it's because I've just come out of a counselling session, and once
|
||||
again, find something I need to talk about <em>after</em> it's finished.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Perhaps it's because I feel a need to prove to myself that I'm still a good
|
||||
writer, even if I barely pass my Creative Writing course...
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Maybe it's because I'm just generally tired but I've been awake long enough
|
||||
that I've progressed into my first period of creative brain waves. Yes,
|
||||
apparently that's a thing.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Anyway, this post's idea stems from the sentiments I've been experiencing
|
||||
since graduating high school.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I feel like I keep wanting to run back to my childhood, as awful as it was
|
||||
in many respects. It's not just my overwhelming fear of death, and general
|
||||
existential dread, it's my nostalgia.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Yesterday, I went to see my old high school band and jazz band perform their
|
||||
annual Holiday Concert. It was great getting to see my old buddies, have a
|
||||
couple laughs while berating the Audio-Visual equipment team for their awful
|
||||
cable management in the few months that I've been gone now.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
But, as I listened to them play the biggest set list the band has done since
|
||||
the pandemic, I found myself melancholy. I wanted to be back with them,
|
||||
playing in the pink lighting, learning solos that I couldn't as a result of
|
||||
COVID, setting up equipment, taping cables down to comply with safety
|
||||
policies, digging into the hows and whys of DMX-512, managing my old tech
|
||||
team, shooting the shit.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>I can't really do that now.</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Picking up the hobbies again, joining a music group on Campus, finding an
|
||||
A/V equipment team to join... it just wouldn't be the same.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I have more demanding courses to come, and I just don't have the time
|
||||
anymore. I, like many others, already treat the Carleton Cybersecurity Club
|
||||
as an extra course.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>The workshops; our lectures.</p>
|
||||
<p>The weekly challenges; our quizzes and textbook readings.</p>
|
||||
<p>The competitions; our midterms.</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
After my showing in the past semester alone, it's likely that I'll take on
|
||||
running a couple workshops in the future.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I can keep going back to the band's events, and catch up with old profs
|
||||
during reading week, but for how long?
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
How long until everyone has moved on? How long until all the staff rotate,
|
||||
and nothing but the U-shape of the building remains?
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Even if I step back and question why, why am I so attached to these
|
||||
memories, I don't know.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I know a lot of people who, like myself, left this school having experienced
|
||||
the absolute worst periods of their life.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>They never went back. Not for anything.</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
But I'm practically desperate to return, to jump back in time to grade 9 and
|
||||
fuck everything up again, run through depression, experience the worst days
|
||||
of my dysphoria, and tolerate every bitch and asshole who decided to spend
|
||||
their time splinkling on a bit more shit all the while.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I've run out of things to say at this point. I wish this was better
|
||||
structured than just a brain dump, but I'm too tired and emotional to work
|
||||
on it further.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
So, with the loss of my non-existent PG-13 rating, I shall conclude this
|
||||
post, and begin [hopefully] immediately on another post that will outline
|
||||
what I hope to do over the winter break, and what posts I hope to have lined
|
||||
up.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
So, to my only reader, stay tuned! I want to get out of the doom and gloom
|
||||
real soon.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<hr />
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
OKAY, so, as per usual, I know a guy, FOR EVERYTHING. He's directed me
|
||||
towards contacting another guy on campus who works with A/V stuff. So, maybe
|
||||
I can find a way to keep that chapter open, despite everything else I have
|
||||
going on these days. It also seems that there might be a way to take an
|
||||
elective course that looks into A/V equipment. I will have to hunt around
|
||||
and see if I can fit that into my program
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/tailer.html" />
|
||||
</main>
|
||||
<div class="pane spacer">
|
||||
<include src="./includes/blog_recent_posts.html" />
|
||||
<div class="spacer_container"><p>#AD</p></div>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/footer.html" />
|
||||
<include src="includes/scripts.html" />
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
149
src/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans/4_pointless_plans.html
Normal file
149
src/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans/4_pointless_plans.html
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,149 @@
|
||||
<!doctype html>
|
||||
|
||||
<html lang="en-ca">
|
||||
<head>
|
||||
<title>Pointless Plans | Cutieguwu</title>
|
||||
<include src="includes/meta.html" />
|
||||
</head>
|
||||
<body>
|
||||
<nav class="pane">
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_header.html" />
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_menu.html" />
|
||||
<div class="location">
|
||||
<header><h4>You are here:</h4></header>
|
||||
<h5 class="page">Blog - Pointless Plans</h5>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/nav_quick_links.html" />
|
||||
</nav>
|
||||
<main class="pane blog">
|
||||
<div class="body">
|
||||
<header>
|
||||
<h1 class="title">Pointless Plans</h1>
|
||||
<p class="date">Posted: 18 December, 2025</p>
|
||||
<p class="date">Last Edited: 18 December, 2025</p>
|
||||
</header>
|
||||
<div class="body">
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
So... remember my first post where I said that "a meaningless 'Welcome to my
|
||||
Blog' filled with my hopes and aspirations that inevitably would never come
|
||||
to light was something I knew I didn't want." Well...
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
I've been stuck in a doom and gloom phase here, and with me hopefully
|
||||
concluding my counselling soon, I definitely don't want to dwell in it.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
As a result, I'm making a little list of things that I'd love to write
|
||||
about, and that you can hopefully expect to read about sometime soon!
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<ul>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
<p>CyberSci</p>
|
||||
<ul>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
I had the fortune to participate at the Regional level,
|
||||
representing Carleton University. (Spoiler: We won, barely)
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
This will probably have a follow up once Nationals happens in
|
||||
the summer.
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
</ul>
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
<p>Creative Writing Work</p>
|
||||
<ul>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
I've written some good things and some really bad things for the
|
||||
Creative Writing course this term. Obviously, I'll only publish
|
||||
works that I believe are well polished.
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
</ul>
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
<p>Poetry</p>
|
||||
<ul>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
I want to get back to writing poetry, but for now I have some
|
||||
things that are still unpublished.
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
They're nothing like Building Up, so if you can't read [bad]
|
||||
Rust, don't worry. They're also far less whacky than Falling
|
||||
Down.
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
<a
|
||||
href="https://gitea.cutieguwu.ca/cutieguwu/falling_down_building_up"
|
||||
>Falling Down & Building Up</a
|
||||
>
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
</ul>
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
</ul>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Also, I've come to realise that I have a thing for memoirs. I never actually
|
||||
realised it because I usually read book series, but I now have four memoirs
|
||||
in my library.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<ol>
|
||||
<li>
|
||||
<em>Fatty Legs</em> by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton
|
||||
</li>
|
||||
<li>its sequel, <em>A Stranger At Home</em></li>
|
||||
<li><em>The Glass Castle</em> by Jeannette Walls</li>
|
||||
<li><em>Tomboy Survival Guide</em> by Ivan Coyote</li>
|
||||
</ol>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
So, after a creative non-fiction flash writing assignment just didn't work
|
||||
out well, even after reworking it heavily for the exam, I decided that I
|
||||
should actually take it in the direction of a full memoir, rather than the
|
||||
poetic form that it currently has.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
The problem is that I mean, a <em>full</em> memoir. And the problem with
|
||||
that is that memory is a complex thing. Many important and relevant things
|
||||
for a memoir are episodic, iconic, flashbulb memories, which can be
|
||||
difficult to just retrieve on the spot. (Yes, I referenced my textbook, no I
|
||||
am not a credible source for interpreting this information.)
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
A lot of the time, my writing, particularly my poetry, comes from what can
|
||||
best be described as state-dependent memory. If I'm lucky, some random
|
||||
stimulus or set of stimuli will trigger a recollection of these memories,
|
||||
and give me an image from which to write. The problem is that this also
|
||||
means I cannot write sequentially.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
And just to make things even more difficult, memory is unreliable and easily
|
||||
influenced. So I need to review and consider how much I trust my own
|
||||
recollection of events, and work to mitigate my biases whenever possible by
|
||||
asking someone else to recount the event and compare details.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
So, in the background, I'm going to start working on that. Almost like
|
||||
forgetting to write in a diary for a week, then trying to catch up while you
|
||||
still remember.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
Hopefully this will have the added benefit of holding back some of the
|
||||
future doom and gloom from the blog.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
<p>
|
||||
And finally, I'm going to try to finish up my blog generator,
|
||||
<a href="https://gitea.cutieguwu.ca/cutieguwu/cutinews">cutinews</a>. It's
|
||||
about time I got back and actually finished a programming project. Chances
|
||||
are that I'll be live on Twitch (yes, eww, ik) working on the code.
|
||||
</p>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/tailer.html" />
|
||||
</main>
|
||||
<div class="pane spacer">
|
||||
<include src="./includes/blog_recent_posts.html" />
|
||||
<div class="spacer_container"><p>#AD</p></div>
|
||||
</div>
|
||||
<include src="includes/footer.html" />
|
||||
<include src="includes/scripts.html" />
|
||||
</body>
|
||||
</html>
|
||||
@@ -9,6 +9,26 @@
|
||||
</description>
|
||||
<language>en-ca</language>
|
||||
<category>Technology/IT/Life/Mental Health/Health</category>
|
||||
<item>
|
||||
<title>Pointless Plans</title>
|
||||
<pubDate>18 December, 2025</pubDate>
|
||||
<link>https://www.cutieguwu.ca/blog/posts/4_pointless_plans.html</link>
|
||||
<description>Winter Break plans</description>
|
||||
<category>Life</category>
|
||||
<category>Mental Health</category>
|
||||
<category>Health</category>
|
||||
</item>
|
||||
<item>
|
||||
<title>Closing Chapters</title>
|
||||
<pubDate>18 December, 2025</pubDate>
|
||||
<link>https://www.cutieguwu.ca/blog/posts/3_closing_chapters.html</link>
|
||||
<description>
|
||||
Things go, and others come in. Sometimes, we don't want to move forward, but we must.
|
||||
</description>
|
||||
<category>Life</category>
|
||||
<category>Mental Health</category>
|
||||
<category>Health</category>
|
||||
</item>
|
||||
<item>
|
||||
<title>Buyer's Anxiety</title>
|
||||
<pubDate>11 September, 2025</pubDate>
|
||||
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user